Emily Howitt

I Hate People 1. When people make plans with you, the day of the plans you are conveniently away from your phone. 2. When someone throws you a surprise party you thank them and then quietly sneak away and call the police. 3. You take the saying "three's a crowd" to heart. 4. You start to think that orphans have a pretty sweet deal. 5. You live in the country just so you don't have to talk to anyone even though you hate trees. and bugs. and just nature in general. 6. You make up a rare disease just so you have an excuse when your friends ask you to hang out. Assuming you have friends, that is. 7. You lie to your family and tell them you're going to a friend's house when really you'd rather be forced to endure a nine hour loop of "kitty kitty you're so pretty pretty." 8. You treat inanimate objects like they are your true friends and in a fire you'd save their "life" rather than, you know, an actual person. 9. ...

Do you ever feel like you just suck? Like you can't do anything right? Like everyone is better at you at everything, including sucking? I mean, I literally feel bad for feeling bad sometimes. There are people with way worse situations in the world than I have, and probably worse then you have. But I'm here to tell you that no matter how much you think you suck, you can't keep thinking that. Let's get one thing straight here. You may not like what I'm going to say, but guess what. You're not a vampire, a robot, or a highly advance organism. You are human. *gasp* It's true. You're human. You are not perfect. Even if you think you're perfect, you're not. So stop beating yourself up for not doing something as impossible as being perfect! You need to be your own best friend in life. So wait. You're telling me I'm now so pathetic and lonely I have to pretend that I'm my best friend?  Well, not exactly. It essentially means you need to t...

1. Stay up late, then wonder why you're so tired for your 9am class. 2. Watch YouTube videos instead of working on your essay, then wonder why you have no time. 3. Don't say a single word in seminar, then wonder why your participation mark is so low. 4. Avoid making eye contact with anyone, then wonder why you have no friends. 5. Play addictive iPad games instead of reading, then wonder why you can never finish books for your class. 6. Eat cake every night just because you can, and wonder why the washer shrunk your cloths.  7. Go out drinking all night on a Tuesday, then wonder why your Wednesday lecture makes no sense. 8. Don't think about your school work, because if you don't think about it, then it's not real and your Professor won't fail you. 9. Pretend to do your school work, and take a break every five minutes, then wonder why it takes you two hours to read one page. 10. Have sex in a public bathroom without locking the door, then wonder...

I was originally going to title this post: "How Do You Come Up With Ideas". But I figured since I'm going to write about how I came up with an idea, it made more sense to title the post: "How I Come Up With Ideas". So why, you ask, am I going to talk about coming up with ideas? Well, because I came up with an idea in a really random way last week and I wanted to see if there was anyone else out there like me. Also, I feel like a lot of people want to know how to come up with ideas. Just Google it, and you'll find plenty, (note: do not actually Google "it"). Anyway, last week I was in a lecture (at University), and I was extremely bored. I can't really blame it all on the professor though, because I was also super tired, and probably just about any subject would have bored me. Anyway, I started to think about what would happen if someone with a gun burst in through the door, like how people would react to it. Then I thought about what would ...

Sleeping is for the weak! Today in this crazed world of ours there is no reason, nor no time, not even one second to waste on the dreaded evil called sleep! In this article you will learn about the evils of the cloaked monster waiting in your bed. Yes! In your actual bed! Read on, young one, to learn about one of societies greatest evils. Sleeping is promoted as being "healthy" and "good for you". Yeah, I bet next your gonna tell me that doughnut isn't "healthy" either. I mean honestly, they expect us to believe that lying in bed for eight hours doing absolutely nothing, is healthy? No wonder people are fat. If we moved all night long  no one would be fat anymore. But no, we have to rest our brains. Does the heart need resting? Do the lungs need resting? No. They work all the time, and they're just fine. I think the people who tell us sleep is healthy, just have deals with all the mattress companies.  One of the evils sleep bestows on peopl...

So apparently if you look almost anywhere on the internet about losing weight, there are a bunch of people telling you if you want to lose weight you absolutely must cut carbs (carbohydrates, for all you who don't use short forms) completely from your diet. In other words, carbs are the reincarnation of the devil designed to make you fat. Even supposedly healthy carbs like oatmeal, and whole grains, are just evil carbs pretending to be healthy. Some will even say you can eat as many calories as you want (I wish), and still lose weight, as long as you don't eat any of the dreaded "c" word. Seriously? Come on, people! Losing weight is supposed to be about becoming healthy, fit, and happy. Not trying to look like a skeleton with flesh who doesn't enjoy eating because all they do is worry about how fat something will make them. Okay, I know some of you are probably thinking, but what if they do like not eating carbs?  Well, let's think for a minute about w...

You may be thinking as you look out your window, it's summer time. It's still warm. Why is she going to talk about fighting off the cold and staying warm?  Well yes, it's true that it is still very warm out people, but that's how the cold wants you to think. It wants to lull you into a false sense of security. Making you think it's not going to be cold for a long, long time. Maybe never. But it will get cold, mighty cold, again. Which is why you need to learn how to fight against the cold, and win. 1. Blankets. Blankets are your best friend, and the cold's worst enemy. Sure, you can use things like a measly heater , but what happens when the power goes out? You also can't carry a heater around your house with you. But with blankets, you can take them anywhere, and you can wrap yourself up so tight that you can't move a muscle, and have to roll or waddle around your house. But are you cold? I didn't think so. 2. Heaters. Despite the cold's obv...