I Think Too Much

I swear I think too much sometimes. I really do. I know, you’re thinking how can thinking be bad? Since when is thinking a bad thing? And, yeah, you got a point there ever quiet reader. But sometimes thinking can lead to a spiral.

I think part of the issue comes from me taking philosophy courses (and no, I did not major in something with no job prospects like philosophy, I choose English to do that). And no I’m not blaming them, I wouldn’t trade them for anything (well, most things) in the world. But they cause you to think deeply about life, and to question how things are, and if you don’t have a solid base in reality that can get you into a lot of trouble.

What I tend to head towards recently, well not always recently but sometimes, is nihilism. Essentially nothing matters. Or something like that. I should go to the trouble of finding out the definition of nihilism but honestly you know how to use google. Use it. Then come back. I will still be here. But anyway I kind of feel like there is no point to life sometimes. Like I try to find meaning to life. I really want there to be an answer, but that’s the problem. There is no solid answer to the meaning of life. Some people will say God, some will say happiness, some love, but what does it really matter? I mean why do we build things? Why do we insist on living? I’m not really suicidal, I just don’t quite get life sometimes, and hence why I feel like I think too much sometimes.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t lived life all that much and life is something you understand better when you live it, rather than trying to pin it down into a neat little package. And I get that. You can describe what a cookie tastes like but it’s much more effective to just eat the cookie to convey the meaning. But life still seems bizarre when you think about it.

But the reason I say I think too much is that life can also be a great thing when you just enjoy it. When you let yourself be in the moment, have a human connection or just enjoy being here. I mean, think about it. There are so many things that could have gone wrong, or could have prevented you being born, and yet here you are. Even the horrible things that have happened in your life have propelled you forward because you wouldn’t be who you are today without them. I find that odd about life too. Everyone expects it to be easy. Everyone expects life to be a walk in the park. And while you should be happy in your life, I don’t remember anyone ever saying it was going to be easy, or that you would be happy all of the time. Life consists of dark moments, and it consists of light ones, but both are hardly ever permanent.

Maybe thinking is not the bad thing but obsessing. Obsessing about needing an answer. Needing a guide that says exactly what life is supposed to be about. What you need to check off to fulfill the goal of life. But life is not like that. Life has many boxes some of which will be checked, some of which we are not even aware exist. But I feel we’re kind of primed to expect that. We’re in school since we’re little until we graduate university/college then are expected to check the boxes: good job (usually with focus on money first, and happiness second), good husband (meaning good job and good morals, definitely not an unemployed hippie or some guy named Snake), and children (and of course they will be darling little angels). Nothing is inherently wrong with these things, I’m just pointing out how society can expect people to go a certain way in life.

I’m guess what I’m trying to say is, well actually, I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say. Maybe that there is not a neatly defined answer for why we choose to live. Maybe that it’s good to think, and entertaining to do so, but maybe not so good to obsess? Maybe don’t focus on finding an answer because you won’t get one. Unless you want to develop a new philosophy about life and be a great philosopher, in which case I say go for it. But maybe we’re just not meant to know some things.

Well those are my thoughts on thinking. Do you ever feel like you think too much?