Dealing With Dark Emotions
It was a hot humid night. Air was howling through the windows. It was growing late. I should be sleeping, I thought to myself. But I couldn’t. It had been like this the past few nights. I just could not get my brain to hit the off button and fall asleep. So, I decided to resort to counting to sheep. I didn’t think it would work, but staring at the ceiling in the dark sure wasn’t doing much either. So the sheep counting began.
I created a group of sheep in my mind, and placed them in my room. There were all fluffy and white, and adorable. I even named one Steve. They lined up eagerly to be counted. Then they began jumping happily over the bed and out the window to crash to their bloody death. And this made me laugh. And made me wonder if I’m a bit sadistic, or if I just have a really dark sense of humour. Or maybe it was just lack of sleep. But I still find it a little bit funny today, so probably not lack of sleep.
Now, let me be clear so that you don’t think I’m total psycho. If a sheep in real life jumped out a window to its death I most definitely would not laugh. I would probably be horrified. Like how people love to watch scary movies, but if a guy in a hood with a scythe showed up at their house they’d probably run the other way. Or at least I hope they would.
But I have noticed that a lot of my writing does seem to turn dark. Some of it is dark on purpose, but I never seem to just write happy things. Which I guess isn’t a bad thing, it just makes me wonder about myself. Like I’ve been going over poems I’ve written in around the last four years, as I’m going to publish a collection of poetry, and they’re all just kind of sad. And dark. And wanting to just leave the world. I knew I had been writing that kind of poetry this past year, but I didn’t realize I had been writing it for longer than that.
But then I remind myself that just because I write something in a poem, it doesn’t mean that I feel that way all the time. Contrary to this blog post, I am capable of feeling happy. It’s just when you’re in an emotional state and you start writing things it’s easy for things to turn dark quite quickly. Like how when someone makes you angry you would like to throw them off of a really tall building, but if you actually did that you’d probably be upset the next day. Unless you’re a potential serial killer and they were you’re gateway drug. In which case, yikes.
What I’m saying is people have emotions (no shit, Sherlock), and sometimes those emotions overwhelm us and we need to express them, in whatever way. But it’s important to remember that your emotions are only a part of who you are, and that even though you feel one way at a certain time, it doesn’t mean you feel that all the time. So if you’re questioning you’re sanity on why something’s bothering you so much, or why you’re into morbid, creepy things, don’t worry. You’re probably normal. Or as normal as anyone can really be. So go out there and be normal! Or not! Or emotional!
Do you ever feel like you might be slipping a little too far into the deep end?