I Hate This Blog Post

I hate you blank page. I hate you blinking cursor staring at me, mocking me. Telling me that I am not a good writer. That I can’t do this. That I can’t blog.

I hate you internet, for making everything so accessible. For making a million different social media websites that you must be a part of to market yourself. I hate when people come up with new social websites, as if we don’t have enough.

I hate that if you want to create something you have to shove it in people’s faces to get them to buy it. I hate marketing. I hate SEO. I hate always having to come up with something new.

I hate word counts. I hate trying not to pay attention to the words because a good post isn’t just the word count. But I also know that if you don’t have enough words you have less chance of being found.

I hate all these things. I bet you hate them to sometimes. If only I could write a world and disappear inside it. Although it didn’t work out so well for the author (Once Upon A Time).

I hate that this blog post is still so short and I’m running out of things to hate. I hate that I come up with blog ideas that I feel are good but once I start to write them I begin to hate them.

I hate that it’s taking me so long to get my book ready to send to publishers, or to self-publish. I haven’t decided which. I hate that I doubt myself. I hate that I went to four years of university and it seems nearly impossible to get a job. I hate that I will likely have to move for work.  

I hate that I can’t just hole up somewhere and read all day, or write all day. I hate that there is always another thing to do, to take care of. I hate that I have been trying and failing for too long to lose weight. That I feel like a failure at times because of it. I hate that I feel like a failure because I have almost nothing together in my life, and no idea where I am going. I hate that I have type one diabetes.

I hate that I procrastinate. I hate that I feel guilty for procrastinating. I hate that I feel like I should be doing everything at once and that I should be getting a million things done all in one day. I hate that this post is about hate. Although I am kind of happy I finally got something down on the page. (Take that mocking blank page!)

I hate that more people don’t get their hate out in constructive ways. I hate that sometimes my blog posts feel fake and I don’t know how to make them un-fake (even though I’m not trying to make them fake, I think I just have trouble expressing how I really feel). I hate that my life is not that interesting to blog about.

I hate that my laptop keeps venting out air. Maybe it has some hate in it too.

Feel free to tell me what you hate in the comments. Or don’t. I won’t hate you for it.