You Are Not Your External Qualities

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You are not your external qualities. This is something we hear a lot, but not in those exact words. Often it goes: it’s what’s on the inside that counts. And it is, isn’t it? But sometimes it is so easy to lose sight of that. Sometimes people are so quick to judge. Sometimes people become all too wrapped up in things that aren’t really important. But at the same time, aren’t these things still a part of us? Don’t they define us to at least some extent? They are not all of us, but they definitely belong to us, don’t they?

People say to not judge a book by its cover, but isn’t that exactly what people do? If you want your book to sell, you need to have a stellar cover. Few people are going to pick up that cover that looks like it could win the worst cover of the year, maybe even the worst cover of all time award. Sure, it might be a great book inside, but people are going to judge the outside, and the book is going to be aware of it (and no I don’t think the book is actually self-aware, just using a metaphor).

So how does this relate to people? Well, all too often it’s the external qualities of a person we see, and it’s the external qualities that we think matter. We care about and we judge people by how much money they make, what they look like, how much they weigh, even what they believe in. Like we have a right to tell someone what they’re allowed to believe. And sure, we have freedom of speech, we have the right to our own opinion, but by focusing on the external qualities so many people are miserable.

So many people think that if they don’t look a certain way, there’s something wrong with them. If they don’t have a job or make a certain amount of money, there’s something wrong with them. If they don’t have a family by a certain age, there’s something wrong with them. If there are so many people who feel like there is something wrong with them, and they all have the same insecurities, is there something wrong with them? Or is there something wrong with the fact that we like to tell people to be who they are, but as a whole we tell them that’s only okay as long as they fit into this box of normal that we’ve created as a society?

Even if people do try to look at what’s on the inside of a person, it’s hard not to be blindsided by the external qualities, especially in oneself. Maybe it’s just part of human nature that we make up our own unattainable sense of normal and drive ourselves insane with trying to reach it. Maybe I’m wrong and most people don’t feel the way that I’m describing in this post. But even so, this post is for the people who do feel like there’s something wrong with them for not being a certain way. There’s nothing wrong with you, whatever you think you’re problem is. You’re just figuring out how you fit into the world.

Have you ever felt like there was something wrong with you because you didn’t fit into what was perceived as normal?

Photo credit: Black Sheep surrounded via photopin (license)


  1. I think we all have our insecurities and mostly are defined by the society. As long as we are happy with the progress we're making and stay optimistic, we'll be fine :)

    1. Hello Sakshi!

      I think you're right. A lot of times we see someone and we think they have it all together, and we forget that they have insecurities too. And yes, a lot is our attitude and how we look at things :)


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