Twitter Rant

Just a warning, this post is very ranty. Okay, it is a rant. But perhaps you have some similar feelings about twitter and marketing in general. Also, sorry about the long block of text, but it is a rant…

4752757565 3705f5d7c7Twitter gives me headaches. Actually all the marketing in general does. Do this. Don’t do that. For fuck’s sake don’t tweet about your dog if it’s not related to your brand. But wait! Don’t only tweet promotion stuff. Because people want real connections. And by real, only connect with people who might buy the stuff your trying to sell. And only if it relates to your personal brand. Never talk about anything that isn’t related to your brand and your audience, because, you know, if you don’t the marketing gods will send thunderbolts to your house to punish you for your twitter sins. And god help you if you don’t know who your audience is. Because it’s so easy to tell if someone on twitter will like your book or whatever you’re selling. Because if people like something, they definitely tweet about it all time. Like, all the time. It’s not like people have interests outside of what they say in 140 characters. And then there’s the accounts that are all OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You’ll never guess what she did after her boyfriend called her fat!!!!! Let me guess!!! She used the shitty product you’re trying to sell!!! Then there’s like fifty different accounts that link to the same article twenty times a day, yet each account seems to have thirty thousand followers so can’t help but wonder if they’re doing something right. Then there’s the fav or retweet if you’d wear this people. Let’s not forget the buy more followers!!!! people. Only $29.99!!!!!!!!! (Didn’t we make owning people illegal!!?? Like where do they come from??? Are they fake accounts?? Hacked accounts?? People with absolutely no life, who just thought, hey, why not let my twitter account be sold to some random person who I’ll probably never care about??) Then the people who tweet nothing but “retweet if you want more followers” Really. This is what you care about. This is how you spend your free time. Just seeing how many people you can get to click that button no matter who they are. And then there’s the fact that you can’t edit a fricken tweet so if you do make a typo you can never ever fix it without deleting the tweet and retweeting it and honestly, who has time for that nonsense?

But in all seriousness, what the hell are people supposed to do with this thing called twitter? There’s just so much advice that contradicts itself. And with marketing in general, you’ll have people who will swear by one method, and others who will swear by the exact opposite. I guess you just have to find out what works for you, and ignore the bullshit. What do you think of twitter and marketing?

Photo Credit: William Andrus Blue bird via photopin (license)