Depression Is Not The End

Once upon a time there was a little girl. A little girl who thought that she was all alone in the world. She had no one who understood her. No friends to confide in. Even her family didn’t really “get” her. They loved her, of course, and she loved them, and they were close, but she didn’t really let them into that dark place inside, at least not all the time. 

The little girl would cry week after week because she was alone. She found solace in writing. She found solace in writing out her pain, writing about tearing her body open with knives and letting the blood run free. But none of it really helped. It helped her express herself, and feel like some of that negativity floating around in her was gone. It helped her cope. But it didn’t heal her.

This went on for quite some time on and off. Some days were better than other days. Some months were better than other months. Some years were better than other years. But the darkness lingered around her like a dark shroud.

The little girl thought that certain things would “fix” it. She thought when she could do what she wanted that the darkness would magically go away. She thought that when she threw herself into a goal it would fix her. She thought that reading self-help books and learning techniques would help her evade the darkness. These things helped, but the darkness kept pushing back against them.

Then she met Jesus.

Jesus Christ came into her life and he started to help her cope. He started to help heal her, and not just treat the symptoms. He loved her. He nurtured her. He held her through the dark nights. He stayed by her side when she told him she wanted to die. He never let her walk through life alone, he never had, and he was always constantly by her side.

And the little girl got better. She really did. The darkness didn’t go away, but Jesus was her light in the dark. Her constant companion. Staying with her through the fears, and the doubts, and the many, many tears. When she wanted to kill herself, he told her no. When she wanted to give up on life, he gave her a reason to live. When she wasn't sure about him, he went after her, and pulled her in tight, never letting go.

And one day, the darkness disappeared. The little girl chose life. The little girl chose to live. Because of Jesus the little girl healed, and she didn’t want to die anymore.

That little girl is me. Only I wasn’t actually that little when it happened. Around age 15 or 16. Only it wasn’t really that bad in the beginning. I was just kind of sad and lonely, and it really was on and off like I said. It didn’t really turn into depression until around my second year of university. I didn’t meet Jesus until around age 21 or 22. There was a long period of searching that led to it, and things were kind of rocky in the beginning, but he stayed with me and he healed me.

I was actually going to work on one of my works in progress when I wrote this, but Jesus told me to write this instead. I felt like he was guiding me when I wrote it. Anyway, I hope you liked this post. And if you’re suicidal or have depression, lean on Jesus. He’ll be there for you. Try to keep hope alive. Talk to someone you trust. Talk to a stranger that you pay, if you can afford it. Call a help line. But don’t give into the dark thoughts. They don’t own you. You don’t have to think you’re worthless. Write them down, paint a picture, or however you choose to express yourself creatively. If you just need to cry and grieve, that’s okay. Sometimes that’s all we can do. But this isn’t the end for you. You can get through this. Depression does not have to win.

Also, I know that I mention Jesus in this post, but I just want to say that God the Father, and the Holy Spirit were also part of the process, as they are one God in three Persons. Just wanted to clarify.

Another point, I'm not saying everything from here on out will be perfect. It won't. But you probably get that. I'm just putting what I went through in words.