Worthless Is A Lie
Sometimes I feel worthless. Sometimes I feel like a failure. Sometimes I wonder if I should just give up on my dream. Sometimes I wonder if I should numb the pain with alcohol. Just go to work, and hate my life, and numb the pain emotionally.
These are horrible things to think as a person, and as a Christian, but they are there, nonetheless. They’re all lies. They’re things that seem true when you’re trapped in self-despair. Escape seems like the only option, even though it is dull and listless. But you think you’re not worth anything, so escape is all you got. Again, lies.
And sometimes I push God away, when I’m like this. More often than not, actually. The one person who I need the most, and I push him away. I’ve thought more than once that I don’t deserve his love. And it’s true. I don’t. You don’t. But it’s not about deserving it, and I know this. But sometimes I feel like I’m not worth saving, and I’m not worth his love. I know there is a difference between being worthy, and having worth, but sometimes it’s hard to see that.
Part of it is unmet expectations, I believe. We put so much expectation on success today. All the entrepreneur stories; all the people who had nothing and worked hard to succeed. If they can do it, anyone can do it. But then when you don’t you wonder where you went wrong. You wonder if maybe you just don’t have what it takes. You wonder if you’ll never get anywhere in life. Even as I write this I know these are lies and they sound ridiculous. But when you are in that desolate way of thinking it can be difficult to see things clearly.
I’m not where I expected to be in life, and that should be okay. I’m sure I’m not the only one. I thought I would have a good job by now, or a successful writing career, or maybe even a house, but I don’t, and that’s okay. Maybe I’m where I need to be. Maybe I’m where God wants me to be. Maybe I just have to wait a little longer for things to work out.
But the truth is, it’s not really about things working out. It’s not about all the success, and things, and extras life has to offer. Not that these are bad things. Success isn’t a bad thing. It’s when success (or whatever else) becomes the only thing, or the first thing, that it can be bad for us. Truth is, it really shouldn’t matter where we are at the moment, because for those of us in Christ, we are children of God.
And that is what matters. Because God values us. God loves us. God wants us. God doesn’t think that we are worthless. And if we say that we are then we are calling him a liar. And I don’t think anyone wants to be in that boat.
God’s love, God himself, is what matters most. His love is the guiding light that can fulfill us. Everything else is secondary to him. And when we feel worthless, or like failures, we need to turn to him, and not away from him, because he is waiting to enfold us into his love. We need only let him.